Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
