the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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