my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
