this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
