Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
