I can text with my tongue
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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