so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
