I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
