Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fuck appropriateness.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
