I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
