She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
