It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
