i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
