ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Are we still banned from the library?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We were destined to go to rehab together
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
