yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
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