why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
