If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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