So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
