between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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