I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
