I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Hippo gnu deer
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
