Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
