It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
