my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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