He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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