Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
