Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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