There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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