It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
