Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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