Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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