I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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