Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
