this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
