I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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