the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
