you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
