At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
