the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
