I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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