I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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