maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
