The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
