I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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