omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
