how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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