He uses pillows to masturbate.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
