what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
