Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize