we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
