I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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