Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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