I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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