Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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