Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
