I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Randomize
