Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize