I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
