Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
