Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
