you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
