I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
