Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
how drunk are you?
Several
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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