I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I could fuck to npr.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
