Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
