I swear to god he's a one man village people.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
