ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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