Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
