Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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