so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
