i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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