I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
