Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
