you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
