I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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