Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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