I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
FUCK WHALES
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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