I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
