He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize