I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
