I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
why do cheetos always look like penises
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
