The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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