I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
