she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize