the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
