It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
