When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
