yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize