Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
