Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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