Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
